Bad News.. Goodbye.

4 min read

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Uzucake's avatar
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As some of you may already know, I have recently gotten the results of a MRI/CAT scan sometime last week. The scans show that I have something growing in the center of my brain with fluid.. I will be getting more tests done, and I will try to keep everyone updated. Id like to take this chance to talk about myself. If not interested, I just want to let you all know that I appreciate the support you've given me through out the years of being on Deviantart. I feel like my life is going to a end soon, I'm anxious, and desperate for help.

I've suffered from depression for many years now, along with a eating disorder called anorexia. My health has always been terrible over the past 6 years.. I almost never leave the house, socialize, eat healthy, or exercise. I get stressed over small stuff, and I'm horrible with taking jokes, having fun, and making friends. For the past years my health has just been getting worse and worse.. I'm going bald in the front of my head, my skin is dry, my scalp is fully covered in dandruff, my knees cramp, my eyes are straining and showing weird black waves, my ears pop, ring and itch as well. I'm always so cold due to low blood iron, and my chest almost always feels tight. Im so out of breath, I can barley sing a song anymore. I rarely drink water so I'm almost always dehydrated, next to starving for food sense I barley eat. (I'm just to depressed, I never feel hungry or thrusty.) I suffer from bad anxiety, and I have a lot of unexplained problems. Every time I wake up, I feel dizzy and horrible.. I feel like I'm dying. I can hardly get out of bed, or walk down the stairs sometimes. My heart goes crazy, and I feel like its going to explode when I do a simple task like standing up or walking up the stairs. I'm tired of feeling this way, I'm tired of waking up and having to deal with all these problems, and mental issues. I know I am probably just a spoiled brat who is just ranting about their life problems.. I understand everyone has their own problems and I have no right to push mine onto other people. I'm most likely just over reacting due to all of this stress. This scared feeling I have of dying has just been terrifying and beyond over-whelming. 

Getting to the point here, I feel like I'm going to be dead soon. This is very hard for me to type out.. I just wanted to thank everyone whos supported me over the years of me trying to become something I couldn't. Life was never easy for me, I don't know if Ill make it through this, I think I've reached my limit. I've worked SO hard to get to where I am.. I cried, and sweated over my artwork so hard for so long. For those of you who have a dream, follow it. Don't let it die, but also don't let yourself die in the process.. You can make it if you work hard, but also care and stay healthy for your own good. I know I'm not good with wording things or making inspirational speeches, I usually have my best friend edit these paragraphs I type before I submit them, so I'm sorry that my wording is strange or subjects seem to skip out of place.

Thank you all so much for the support. If Im still here, I'll eventually give an update.. but for now this is goodbye. I wont be leaving for good, I just need time to recover. I'll be back. I will leave my artwork up sense this is not a issue regarding art thief. Art, games and the internet has always came first before my health.. now its time I drop these things and only focus on my health. Thank you all for understanding.
© 2017 - 2024 Uzucake
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Catstudio7's avatar
I actually have no words...for this.Sad dummy  And even more cause I just see this journal now. I was busy with internship back than, during that time of the year, seeing now you wrote this in May... and think I accidentally deleted this journal back than. I just come across this because I wanted show my sister  your wonderful art...and than I saw this. I don't know what to actually write cause this is like a bomb exploding into my face. I'm not good with words, but I feel horrible that I didn't wished you well or said something earlier...
You're an amazing artist and I know you might not think this way because of your depression or how the way you feel now, but you are special, you are an amazing artist and I enjoyed every single piece you draw.Heart +fav 
I will pray for you that you heal, that it all goes alway, your illness and your depression and eating disorder, but if not, than know you're not alone. We think about you and worry about you.
For now I speak for myself, but I know that a lot below think the same way. You were an inspiration to me and I loved your work, but if you have to go, than you have to go...if you can't do this anymore and coming back online than it's fine. We know the reason now, you don't have to keep is updated if it's to depressing or hurting you so much.
It's hard and you have to try to make the best of it. Focus on your health and don't come back until you are healthy again. Huggle!We want you to be feeling well and not sick so take care dear Tight Hug